We live in a society that is inherently destination-oriented. We’re constantly considering our next step, big or small. This becomes even more apparent when guiding a child through their college search and application process.
Read on for:
- College conversation starters for parents/guardians
- Tips on how to navigate college discovery and planning
- Advice on how to talk about the college and career prep process with your teen
How to Start Talking About College with Your Child
Now is a great time for parents/guardians (aka "supporters") and students to talk about college and career plans. For supporters, we encourage you to begin this conversation with your student with a simple question:
“Why do you want to go to college?”
You may find yourself nervous and wondering: “What if my child says they don’t want to go to college?” You must put aside your own expectations that your child will want to attend a certain university, study a certain subject, or even go to college at all, and simply ask the question!
Asking this question will begin transferring ownership of the discovery process to your child and help them to begin a period of self-reflection and awareness that is critical. In order for your child’s college application process to be fruitful, your student needs to find their voice.
How to Deal with the Answer
Due to our natural inclination to be destination-oriented, it’s likely that your child may respond with something similar to: “Isn’t that what you do after high school?” or “I don’t know what else to do.”
So, how exactly should you respond to an answer like that? Remind your student that, regardless of the circumstance, going to college should never be the default answer! There is too much time and money at stake to follow an unexamined expectation. That doesn’t mean a life plan must be in place before college can be considered, but it does mean going to college needs to hold some sense of purpose.
Helping Your Child Determine Their Purpose
As a supporter, you should know that it’s highly likely that your child could change their major during their undergraduate career. The uncertainty that your student feels now as a high schooler will likely follow them into college, and that’s okay!
Make it your priority to help them face their uncertainty with confidence.
Ask them questions like: “What are the 3 things you want to make sure you accomplish by the time you cross the stage at your college graduation?”
When you ask them this, they may look back at you with a blank stare. Encourage them to just simply consider it over the next few days, and perhaps begin a journal where they can document their college and career goals.
The point of this process is to help your child develop an inner dialogue and analyze their interests and aptitudes. You want to help your child look past superficial things, like going to college in a warm climate, or having a big athletic program, and instead focus on what really matters to them regarding their personal development and career.
How to Help Your Child Start College Planning
Still unsure how to start a conversation with your student about college? Follow these simple steps to support your student through the college search process.
- Encourage discussions
- Self-reflect
- Research colleges
- Tour colleges
- Begin building a college list
1. Encourage discussions
Encourage your child to start conversations about careers and college with trusted family members, their friends, teachers, counselors, and mentors. Students and counselors that are connected through Scoir can maintain communication online and even use in-app messaging. This is a great time for them to start building a network and create a mentor/mentee relationship for advice and support.
You can try:
- Going to a college fair with your student
- Introducing your student to your connections or mentors
- Encouraging your student to meet with their counselor, teachers, coaches, and other trusted adults regarding college and careers
2. Self-reflect
For your child, thinking about what they enjoy and are good at and then connecting that to a career can be stressful. They may be experiencing a lot of pressure to have their life figured out when they still have so much to learn.
Remind them that it's okay to not have it all figured out...none of us do!
Still feeling stuck? Students can take the PrinciplesYou character assessment in Scoir, a great way to determine how their personality and tendencies could fit into the professional world.
Students can also search for careers in Scoir! Browse information such as salary ranges, outlook, and education needed, as well as colleges that provide great programs to launch students on that career path.
Then, students can bring their lists of interests, strengths, and potential careers to those that could provide more clarity and guidance, like a trusted mentor.
3. Research colleges
Exploring college websites and social media accounts can give your student an idea of what a particular college's classes, programs, cost, and campus life is like.
Are there any patterns about the colleges your student is exploring? That may uncover what's really important to your student.
If your student uses Scoir, be sure to check out the College Match Quiz! We'll suggest colleges to your student based on their college preferences. Who knows, they may make the final cut on your student's college list!
4. Tour colleges
Once you have a few colleges on your radar, it's time to consider tours.
Whether you travel to a college campus 30 minutes or 3 hours away, or visit a campus virtually from the comfort of your own home, touring college campuses can give you and your student a much better idea of what the college is like. Scoir students can utilize YouVisit virtual tours to explore institutions that interest them.
5. Begin building a college list
At this point, it’s important that your child simply start a college list. It will likely change a lot as time goes by, and that’s okay! Just encourage them to give it a start. You can complete this step during step 4, if you'd like.
Students on Scoir can keep track of their list using My Colleges. Students can also receive recommendations from their connected counselors and parents on Scoir, when the time comes.
If your high schooler is still an underclassmen, spring is a great time to start a conversation with them about college. Remember to stay student-centered and focus on allowing them to talk with you rather than imposing your own expectations on them. We encourage you to ask questions that promote self-reflection and remain unbiased to their thought-process.
Next, check out these additional helpful resources for parents and guardians navigating the college search process:
This blog post was produced in collaboration with Peter Van Buskirk.
This article was originally published on March 30, 2020. It was updated on January 31, 2024 for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Peter Van Buskirk: April 29, 2025
Erin Barnes: April 24, 2025
Erin Barnes